There's a certain calm that lingers.
A week or two ago, I remember feeling wrecked. Amidst the chaotic pressure of packing eight years worth of my life into a box, stuff I need to finish for work and random people prying into my future--I wanted to just stop time, burst into tears or flames or just disappear into thin air. I was feeling incredibly stressed and it has manifested everywhere--my mood has flipped, my health has deteriorated, and my skin has broken out like never before.
Like I said, people have been prying and asking a lot of questions. I have always been very private about me. I hate talking about my plans and future. Someone told me I should talk about it because I look in denial. Not that I am denial, I just don't find the need to tell people about me. And so far, since I have been open about it, I feel like nothing has gone the way I want it to go... life was much better when I did things discreetly. But here we are.
This time, people are much concerned about the fact my plans have become fuzzy. They're worried. They weren't worried when I was completely worried about it. They're finding me reckless now. But I'm not... things are just really out of my control.
But today, I feel much better. Chilled.
I know the cycle will start again. This must be the calm before the storm. Or perhaps I am a bit numbed. Life can't get any worse than it already is, right? Well, it really isn't bad. I just have no control over the things I usually do. That's all on me--I am a Virgo after all.
Anyway. I don't know. I already miss this city and I haven't left. I already miss the food, the comfort and safety I have grown accustomed with. The thought that I will never be able to walk in the dark all alone by myself freaks the hell out of me. I've been independent for far too long. How do you go you even go back?
I digress. I'm rambling because maybe I'm just in denial and I'm scared about what is about to happen.
Anyway. I don't know where this new chapter will take me but we'll see...
